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I'm almost embarrassed to admit this, but I think I'll feel better once it's out...
I went to Target this morning (I know, you're thinking what else is new?) and made my usual stop in the 'feminine care aisle'. I actually had the ovulation test strips in my cart, and then I thought better of it and took them out and put them back on the shelf.
Why am I embarrassed by this? Well, the past year has been full of peeing on sticks, tracking my cycle, etc. This will be the first time that I'm not paying attention to this, as we are no longer "trying." It's pretty difficult to step away from he situation, especially when it's the only thing that you want. But, it's for the best. I'm trying not to obsess over it, but that's much easier said than done.
The entire ivf process will take 6-8 weeks, per my doctors instructions. Right now, neither Chad nor myself have time for this. So, we are pushing our schedules back yet again. I remember three short months ago, being excited about starting ivf at the beginning of the year - only now it's not happening, this time because of work. It just sucks so much, because it seems that every time we have a plan we have to abandon ship for some reason. Unfortunately, it's usually because of work. I'm embarrassed to admit that, too. It makes me feel like a workaholic.
This morning I woke around 5am, to the sound of Chad's cell phone ringing. Immediately, I assume the worst. Chad's grandma, Tootsie, has been in the hospital for the past week. I woke chad up so that he could see what was going on. I remained in bed, trying to figure out who would be able to cover my shifts at work and what all we needed to pack for a spur-of-the-moment trip back to Illinois. Thankfully, it was the plant. Chad had to make phone calls and get a crew in there. I honestly think this is the first time that I've been thankful for it being the plant.
Growing up, our phone would ring in the middle of the night quite frequently. It was my Grandpa Bill, needing to go to the hospital for some reason or another. I became accustomed to the middle of the night phone calls and immediately expect the worst when it happens. I guess given history, everything made complete sense. However, it still bothered me. I laid in bed, wide awake, for awhile thinking of all the middle of the night phone calls and what would inevitably transpire. Damn, it's amazing how things from your childhood alter your life.
One of my New Years Resolutions is that I want to try to be more optimistic. Unfortunately, I think I'm much more of a realist and would rather be pessimistic and pleasantly surprised instead of disappointed. I really need to 'get' a better attitude but it's so very difficult given the circumstances.
I'm also hoping to start eating better and get back in shape. While I'm only about 13 heavier than when we got married, I'd like to get back down to that size 4. Seeing as I'm not pregnant (and honestly don't anticipate becoming pregnant anytime soon), I figured I could go back on my diet pills to help me lose weight. (Thankfully, I have some in my medicine cabinet!)
The final 'resolution', if you will, is to cut back on caffeine. With my work schedule, I've become quite the caffeine junky, and I know that it's not good for my body. Hell, that may be part of why I don't sleep well! So, I bought some Decaf Coffee Shop KCups today. At least now I can have my favorite cup of coffee in the afternoon without worrying about staying up all night.
Since I don't go back to work until Thursday, I'm hoping to get the house a bit more organized. I also hope to get some healthy meals prepared so that it makes my late nights easier on both of us. I want to clean up the DVR, and need to call Comcast. We made the decision to get a home phone, mainly because the cellular reception in our house is horrific. The only catch is making our home phone number private and unlisted so that people from the plant cannot find us and call the house all the time.
Right now, I'm looking forward to watching a movie (in bed) with three of my favorite boys. Things can only get better, right?!
I went to Target this morning (I know, you're thinking what else is new?) and made my usual stop in the 'feminine care aisle'. I actually had the ovulation test strips in my cart, and then I thought better of it and took them out and put them back on the shelf.
Why am I embarrassed by this? Well, the past year has been full of peeing on sticks, tracking my cycle, etc. This will be the first time that I'm not paying attention to this, as we are no longer "trying." It's pretty difficult to step away from he situation, especially when it's the only thing that you want. But, it's for the best. I'm trying not to obsess over it, but that's much easier said than done.
The entire ivf process will take 6-8 weeks, per my doctors instructions. Right now, neither Chad nor myself have time for this. So, we are pushing our schedules back yet again. I remember three short months ago, being excited about starting ivf at the beginning of the year - only now it's not happening, this time because of work. It just sucks so much, because it seems that every time we have a plan we have to abandon ship for some reason. Unfortunately, it's usually because of work. I'm embarrassed to admit that, too. It makes me feel like a workaholic.
This morning I woke around 5am, to the sound of Chad's cell phone ringing. Immediately, I assume the worst. Chad's grandma, Tootsie, has been in the hospital for the past week. I woke chad up so that he could see what was going on. I remained in bed, trying to figure out who would be able to cover my shifts at work and what all we needed to pack for a spur-of-the-moment trip back to Illinois. Thankfully, it was the plant. Chad had to make phone calls and get a crew in there. I honestly think this is the first time that I've been thankful for it being the plant.
Growing up, our phone would ring in the middle of the night quite frequently. It was my Grandpa Bill, needing to go to the hospital for some reason or another. I became accustomed to the middle of the night phone calls and immediately expect the worst when it happens. I guess given history, everything made complete sense. However, it still bothered me. I laid in bed, wide awake, for awhile thinking of all the middle of the night phone calls and what would inevitably transpire. Damn, it's amazing how things from your childhood alter your life.
One of my New Years Resolutions is that I want to try to be more optimistic. Unfortunately, I think I'm much more of a realist and would rather be pessimistic and pleasantly surprised instead of disappointed. I really need to 'get' a better attitude but it's so very difficult given the circumstances.
I'm also hoping to start eating better and get back in shape. While I'm only about 13 heavier than when we got married, I'd like to get back down to that size 4. Seeing as I'm not pregnant (and honestly don't anticipate becoming pregnant anytime soon), I figured I could go back on my diet pills to help me lose weight. (Thankfully, I have some in my medicine cabinet!)
The final 'resolution', if you will, is to cut back on caffeine. With my work schedule, I've become quite the caffeine junky, and I know that it's not good for my body. Hell, that may be part of why I don't sleep well! So, I bought some Decaf Coffee Shop KCups today. At least now I can have my favorite cup of coffee in the afternoon without worrying about staying up all night.
Since I don't go back to work until Thursday, I'm hoping to get the house a bit more organized. I also hope to get some healthy meals prepared so that it makes my late nights easier on both of us. I want to clean up the DVR, and need to call Comcast. We made the decision to get a home phone, mainly because the cellular reception in our house is horrific. The only catch is making our home phone number private and unlisted so that people from the plant cannot find us and call the house all the time.
Right now, I'm looking forward to watching a movie (in bed) with three of my favorite boys. Things can only get better, right?!
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