Speech, Kidney Ultrasounds & Weight

The past month has been somewhat of a rough one, and I've not been totally open about what's going on.  Honestly, it's been eating at me since the first discussion about it at the pediatrician's office.  I think part of me was ashamed, and perhaps that's why I only told the closest of my friends.

Charleigh's speech, or lack thereof, has been of concern to us for awhile now.  I truly believe that she knows how to talk, but just chooses not to.  After much deliberation, I decided it was time to be honest with our pediatrician.  He agreed that she should say more words that she does, so he referred us to ECI (Early Childhood Intervention) for an evaluation.  The evaluation would be all encompassing, which had me all sorts of anxious.

This past Thursday three ladies from Project GROW came to the house to evaluate her.  I cannot lie, it was nerve wracking, and it was probably made worse by the whiny infants and the psychotic little dog in the backyard. (That, coincidentally, scratched the hell out of our back door & managed to yank the weatherstripping/threshold out of the door...). I was actually fairly impressed with what Charleigh knew, and I think Chad was too.  But after all was said and done, she didn't qualify for any speech therapy, as she only had a 4% delay. (To qualify you must have a major delay, which is defined as 25% or more). She did, however, qualify for cognitive therapy as she had a 34% delay.  I decided, after talking to Chad and doing research that I would work on that myself. After all, I went to a course to get certification in ABA and DTT for use with Austistic Children.  I can totally do this on my own.  Had she needed speech therapy, I would have been screwed, though.

Since we've really started working on things, Charleigh has now mastered TWO puzzles.  This was no small feat, as she didn't even know where to begin.  Very slowly, we made progress. And, like I said, she now has 2 puzzles mastered in two days. :). I'm pretty sure we've got this under control.

Almost two weeks ago, Coleson had his kidney ultrasound.  Early in my pregnancy, the high risk Doctor (MFM) found that one of his kidney's was grossly dilated.  They were monitoring it during my pregnancy, but the next scheduled check of his kidneys was scheduled at my 34 week appointment, which I didn't make.  It appears that somewhere, the need for a kidney ultrasound got lost in translation while he was in the NICU ,so it never got done.  Our pediatrician mentioned it at Coleson's weight check a few weeks ago, so we got it scheduled.  I've still not heard any results from this test, so I'm assuming that it was all perfectly normal.  Even though we were at the ped last Friday, I didn't even think to ask, so I'll be sure to ask at their 6 month appointment next Friday.

At Campbelle's 4 month appointment, Dr Ho was concerned with her, and Coleson's, weight gain.  They both had fallen off the chart, but especially Campbelle's.  He had us come in for a two week weight check and was very pleased with Coleson's growth.  Campbelle, however, was a different story.  The poor girl literally has ZERO fat on her - she's truly skin & bone.  That being said, we made some changes (switched her to Neocate like her brother - HUGE change, by the way) and revisited in two weeks.  I went into this appointment very nervous, as he had told me that if she didn't gain enough weight, we'd be sent to GI for a consult for a feeding tube.  Sometimes I feel like I can't catch a break.

I often wonder:

Is it because they weren't breastfed?  What am I doing wrong? Am I a shitty mom?  Why are my kiddos so small?  What did I do wrong while I was pregnant?  

Does that make sense?  All three of my babies have struggled with weight, all three have been diagnosed as "Failure to Thrive", they've all been diagnosed with severe reflux.  The one common denominator is me...WHAT DID I DO TO CAUSE THIS?

I honestly don't know.  I know that I've been in denial about my kiddos health, but I'm truly not sure I could have done anything that would have made a difference one way or another.  It's merely something that weighs on my mind...