The Little Mama that Could

1 day, 19 hours and 20 minutes until we check in for induction.

I'm really trying to keep my head above the water and not dehydrate from all the tears, but I'm not sure how that's working.

I am seriously a freaking disaster.  What the hell was I thinking about?  How in the hell is this kid getting out of me?  (Chad swears it shouldn't be too bad as he claims I've pooped an entire canteloupe before.). Chad tells me that if he could birth this baby and spare me from the pain and anxiety he would.  Honestly, I'm not sure he could handle it.  

What if I don't like this kid?  There are so many idiotic questions like that going through my mind.  And, in all honesty, I don't think we are truly ready for this.  We don't know what to do with a newborn.  Yes, my mom will be here to help out, but it's still really scary stuff.  I really kind of wish we had taken those day long classes that everybody says are worthless. And, as my coworker reminds me, even crack whores have babies and don't kill them.  There's always hope, right?!

I'm pretty sure that I'll be crying myself to sleep tomorrow night as well.  I'm dreading leaving my kids alone, I know that I will miss them immensely.  My sweet, protective Cappy dog never leaves my side and drys all of my tears.  Lion Man William is my cuddle bug who makes EVERYTHING better, and he's one helluva cuddler.  Silly Jimmy knows how to make me smile, and calm both Charleigh & I down when we are upset.  And then there's Penny, the Roo.  She's just the softest, silliest kitty ever.  While she's much different from the boys, she definitely knows how to make you forget about everything -she makes these cute chirps and just makes faces that will melt your heart.  Sigh.  My life is pathetic.

I'm dreading spending the night in the hospital.  Although it's been a close call, I've narrowly escaped this four times already. I don't mind hospitals, but I'm awfully picky about beds.  I will definitely be bringing my own pillow, complete with a Sesame Street pillow case.

I guess the bottom line is that I'm so totally overwhelmed right now and everything is pushing me over the edge.  I'm so torn - I don't want to do this, but I don't want to keep her inside of me forever.  I want my life and body back.  I want to be able to enjoy a margarita whenever I want.  I want to go to a shopping mall and walk around, looking for that perfect item to pop out at me.  And, sadly enough, I want my car back!!! After Carlos installed our car seat, we realized there is NO room in the car.  That was part of the reason we bought it too, because it would have plenty of room,  my poor mom (or whoever is the front passenger) has NO leg room. Talk about a miserable trip. I'm embarrassed to admit that we may need a minivan.  Depressing...

Tomorrow I need to finish packing my hospital bag, put together gift bags for the nurses, work on the baby book(look through it, at least), and put together a snack bag for Chad.  Pretty sure he's going to be one grumpy fellow as well.  

I guess I just needed to get all of this off of my chest before I attemped (for the forth time) to fall asleep.  

Thanks for listening.