On my mind

Although I spend the majority of my days chasing around a crazy toddler, attempting to manage teething twins, and doing any household duties that don't take too much time away from them - I still have time to think.  So many things are on my mind - and sadly, most of it is probably what keeps me awake at night.

There are days, like most of the days this week, that nobody in the house is happy - everybody cries and needs one on one attention.  I'm only one person, I cannot physically do this.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't frustrated or overwhelmed.  Sometimes I'd just like a bit of a break - a few hours, all alone or with my friends.  Realistically, the chance of that happening is slim to none.

There are days I just want to give up. Go back to bed and cry, while letting the kids fend for themselves. {Rocky & Cappy are responsible enough, right?}. Wrong.  I can't do that.  But sometimes it sounds so lovely.  Even though I have those days, I'd never give up on my sweet babies.  

They are the most amazing thing in my life.  I look back through the past five years. There are many years we didn't think we'd ever have our kids.  Two years ago we were fighting our old pediatrician because of Charleigh's tummy & reflux issues - he didn't want to accept it and just left her completely miserable.  She wasn't even a month old.  Talk about heartbreaking.  Not being able to help your precious 3 week old baby.  I wish that on nobody.  Last year I was pregnant with the twins, sick as a dog, attempting to get our house ready for listing.  This year, I'm dealing with terrible two's as well as two horribly grumpy teething 7 month olds.  Add in the dogs and cats - I have a very full plate.  But I souldn't change it for millions of dollars.

I think about having the hysterectomy next month.  I'm absolutely terrified.  I need to talk to people who've had one done.  I need to know what the recovery was like.  I know that it will be what's best for me, but I'm still nervous.  I need to figure out what questions I need to ask at my pre-op appointment.  I need to make this as easy as possible.

I've been blessed with amazing friends - Summer, Kerrie, Monica, and I'm sure many others who would help me if I need it afterwards.  The key for me will be admitting that I need help and asking for it.  I hate asking for help - I want to be SuperMom and do everything myself.  Sadly, I know that after this procedure there will be limitations as to what I'm allowed to do.  That is going to be tough for this fiercely independent mom.

Regardless, I will survive.  Just like I did after the c-section.  This will be easy-breezy.  I just need to make sure that I get plenty of rest, take breaks, and don't do too much.  Because the second that happens, I will (my body) pay for it.