Much Ado About Nothing
Time after time again, I get caught up in the going's-on of our lives and forget to vent all of my frustrations and update the world on our lives. I think a big part of this is due to the fact that Chad purchased us an iPad for Christmas, so I rarely use my laptop computer - it's just too big of a headache for me. (In fact, I'm typing this on Chad's laptop!)
Both of us are working long, grueling hours at our jobs, though I doubt that either one of us would trade it for sitting around the house doing nothing. I've been absolutely exhausted - the best part of our jobs is that we work four long days, and have three days off. Unfortunately, last weekend wasn't much of a weekend for either of us - I was off on Friday, while Chad was in Dallas for a conference. On Friday, I went to the doctor (more on that later) and visited my friend, Jenn, who just had a beautiful baby girl. Saturday morning, I got up bright and early and headed to Reliant Stadium, where I worked at the Student Sports Physicals - Chad made his way back to H-town. Basically, we only had a one-day weekend, which really sucked. Thankfully, this weekend is a holiday weekend, so we both have four days off! :-)
I'm sure those of you who follow me on Pinterest (and perhaps even Facebook) have figured out that the only thing missing in our lives is a beautiful baby to complete our family. Though we've been trying for six months, we've not had a bit of luck. {Side note - We're totally excited for all of our friends who are having babies, so please do not take this the wrong way!} To be quite honest, it's a bit depressing - it seems like everybody else can just get pregnant by looking at a member of the opposite sex...and then there is us. Between charting and everything else, I'm beginning to think that God doesn't want us to have children. I know that others have issues too, but it is so frustrating to see everybody else have the one thing in the world that you want, but for some reason or another, cannot have. Just goes to show that money cannot buy everything.
Last month I felt absolutely awful. I was more exhausted than I had ever been in my life, and was utterly exhausted. I was certain that we were going to have exciting news, though the HPT (and later physical proof) said otherwise. Almost two weeks later, I was still feeling like crapola and dealing with the physical proof that we were, in fact, not pregnant. Obviously, one would probably be concerned at this point - so although I had a follow-up appointment scheduled with our OB/GYN for the beginning of June, I made the trek to his office without Chad. (He was in Dallas) To be honest, I was hoping for good news, perhaps I really was pregnant but was going to be high-risk. Yeah, right. Yet another big, fat NEGATIVE for me. :-( In fact, based on the symptoms I had earlier in the month....{Enter sad music here}...the doctor thinks that I may have, in fact, been pregnant but had miscarried around the 5-6 week mark. UGH! Seriously?! I swear to God, if it weren't for bad luck I wouldn't have any at all....
After much discussion with him, he decided that I most likely suffer from a Luteal Phase Defect (LFD), where the lining doesn't build up enough and my Progesterone levels are too low to sustain pregnancy. He put me on Progesterone pills, which I take for twelve days, and then discontinue for twelve days...and the cycle just continues until I am pregnant - at which point I will be on Progesterone pills until the second trimester. (The Progesterone should prevent early miscarriage.) We also scheduled my HSG (hysterosalpingogram) for June 8th, which will show whether or not my tubes are blocked from the severe Endometriosis. In July, I wiill start taking Clomid - my doc said he's had really good luck with Progesterone & Clomid therapy. I'm keeping my fingers (and toes) crossed.
I took this news surprisingly well, and headed to the hospital to visit Jenn and her beautiful baby girl, Madison. That evening, however, it hit me hard. I suppose that it didn't help that I was alone, and had to get up and go to work the next morning. Yuck! Thankfully, I got out of work early and was able to spend the rest of the weekend with Chad - we even went to the pool on Sunday. :-)
The past week was rough - seems like everytime I get on Facebook somebody else is pregnant. In the last week, three of our friends have had babies - Jenn & Tom (Baby Madison), Marissa & CJ (Baby Isabella), and Kurt & Missy (Baby Kyler)! I'm so incredibly happy for all of them, but I cannot help but long for a baby of our own.
This weekend, we got our annual physicals (handsdown the best physical ever - Dr. V rocks!) and actually cleaned out the "nursery." In some ways it is depressing, but it makes both of us that much more excited about the future, as we can visualize the room as a nursery and look forward to completing our family. (I'm not quite sure how Cappy will like it, though!) We spent a few hours at one of the neighborhood pools as well, and both ended up with a bit more sun than we had anticipated. I have a gut feeling that the Progesterone pills played a huge role in making me look like a crab - damned hormones! We also have planned a trip to Destin, Florida with Chad's parents in July - I cannot wait to go to Florida for a few days and come home a brown bear. (I did learn my lesson - I purchased some sunscreen today.) I shed a few tears today, though, as my mom had me on speakerphone during our conversation...my sweet Elijah heard my voice, got his goofy grin on his face and ran around looking for me. It really breaks my heart that he's so far away from me. I would love to have him here with me, but I know it's not fair to a sweet old dog to take him away from everything that he's ever known. I cannot wait to go back to Illinois the end of September and spend ten days with him! {A sincere thanks to Andrew & Sarah and Chris & Brenna for that!}
I guess in the meantime, I'll just keep on keeping on. Hopefully I'll have some good news sooner rather than later. I cannot lie - I do wonder what I did to make God so angry with me sometimes. Perhaps we just aren't met to have children. Are we too selfish?! I know many people will mention all the parent-less children in the world, but it's just not the same - I don't want somebody else's kid, I want mine and I know that my husband feels the same way. Perhaps we are just suppose to have furry kids...
Until then, as much as I hate to ask for help, please keep us in your prayers. The power of prayer is amazing, and perhaps with the help of others we can complete our family.
Both of us are working long, grueling hours at our jobs, though I doubt that either one of us would trade it for sitting around the house doing nothing. I've been absolutely exhausted - the best part of our jobs is that we work four long days, and have three days off. Unfortunately, last weekend wasn't much of a weekend for either of us - I was off on Friday, while Chad was in Dallas for a conference. On Friday, I went to the doctor (more on that later) and visited my friend, Jenn, who just had a beautiful baby girl. Saturday morning, I got up bright and early and headed to Reliant Stadium, where I worked at the Student Sports Physicals - Chad made his way back to H-town. Basically, we only had a one-day weekend, which really sucked. Thankfully, this weekend is a holiday weekend, so we both have four days off! :-)
I'm sure those of you who follow me on Pinterest (and perhaps even Facebook) have figured out that the only thing missing in our lives is a beautiful baby to complete our family. Though we've been trying for six months, we've not had a bit of luck. {Side note - We're totally excited for all of our friends who are having babies, so please do not take this the wrong way!} To be quite honest, it's a bit depressing - it seems like everybody else can just get pregnant by looking at a member of the opposite sex...and then there is us. Between charting and everything else, I'm beginning to think that God doesn't want us to have children. I know that others have issues too, but it is so frustrating to see everybody else have the one thing in the world that you want, but for some reason or another, cannot have. Just goes to show that money cannot buy everything.
Last month I felt absolutely awful. I was more exhausted than I had ever been in my life, and was utterly exhausted. I was certain that we were going to have exciting news, though the HPT (and later physical proof) said otherwise. Almost two weeks later, I was still feeling like crapola and dealing with the physical proof that we were, in fact, not pregnant. Obviously, one would probably be concerned at this point - so although I had a follow-up appointment scheduled with our OB/GYN for the beginning of June, I made the trek to his office without Chad. (He was in Dallas) To be honest, I was hoping for good news, perhaps I really was pregnant but was going to be high-risk. Yeah, right. Yet another big, fat NEGATIVE for me. :-( In fact, based on the symptoms I had earlier in the month....{Enter sad music here}...the doctor thinks that I may have, in fact, been pregnant but had miscarried around the 5-6 week mark. UGH! Seriously?! I swear to God, if it weren't for bad luck I wouldn't have any at all....
After much discussion with him, he decided that I most likely suffer from a Luteal Phase Defect (LFD), where the lining doesn't build up enough and my Progesterone levels are too low to sustain pregnancy. He put me on Progesterone pills, which I take for twelve days, and then discontinue for twelve days...and the cycle just continues until I am pregnant - at which point I will be on Progesterone pills until the second trimester. (The Progesterone should prevent early miscarriage.) We also scheduled my HSG (hysterosalpingogram) for June 8th, which will show whether or not my tubes are blocked from the severe Endometriosis. In July, I wiill start taking Clomid - my doc said he's had really good luck with Progesterone & Clomid therapy. I'm keeping my fingers (and toes) crossed.
I took this news surprisingly well, and headed to the hospital to visit Jenn and her beautiful baby girl, Madison. That evening, however, it hit me hard. I suppose that it didn't help that I was alone, and had to get up and go to work the next morning. Yuck! Thankfully, I got out of work early and was able to spend the rest of the weekend with Chad - we even went to the pool on Sunday. :-)
The past week was rough - seems like everytime I get on Facebook somebody else is pregnant. In the last week, three of our friends have had babies - Jenn & Tom (Baby Madison), Marissa & CJ (Baby Isabella), and Kurt & Missy (Baby Kyler)! I'm so incredibly happy for all of them, but I cannot help but long for a baby of our own.
This weekend, we got our annual physicals (handsdown the best physical ever - Dr. V rocks!) and actually cleaned out the "nursery." In some ways it is depressing, but it makes both of us that much more excited about the future, as we can visualize the room as a nursery and look forward to completing our family. (I'm not quite sure how Cappy will like it, though!) We spent a few hours at one of the neighborhood pools as well, and both ended up with a bit more sun than we had anticipated. I have a gut feeling that the Progesterone pills played a huge role in making me look like a crab - damned hormones! We also have planned a trip to Destin, Florida with Chad's parents in July - I cannot wait to go to Florida for a few days and come home a brown bear. (I did learn my lesson - I purchased some sunscreen today.) I shed a few tears today, though, as my mom had me on speakerphone during our conversation...my sweet Elijah heard my voice, got his goofy grin on his face and ran around looking for me. It really breaks my heart that he's so far away from me. I would love to have him here with me, but I know it's not fair to a sweet old dog to take him away from everything that he's ever known. I cannot wait to go back to Illinois the end of September and spend ten days with him! {A sincere thanks to Andrew & Sarah and Chris & Brenna for that!}
I guess in the meantime, I'll just keep on keeping on. Hopefully I'll have some good news sooner rather than later. I cannot lie - I do wonder what I did to make God so angry with me sometimes. Perhaps we just aren't met to have children. Are we too selfish?! I know many people will mention all the parent-less children in the world, but it's just not the same - I don't want somebody else's kid, I want mine and I know that my husband feels the same way. Perhaps we are just suppose to have furry kids...
Until then, as much as I hate to ask for help, please keep us in your prayers. The power of prayer is amazing, and perhaps with the help of others we can complete our family.
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