Her Placenta Falls to the Floor

Part of my "recovery" plan after my hysterectomy was to attempt to gain some closure on the birth of the twins.  My OB helped me with this feat and took me back to the unit and walked through the mornings events.

We stopped by and spoke with some of the nurses, and went back to the OR.  I found all of this very helpful, but of course there are still bits and pieces missing.  I'm beginning to think there always will be.

What I do know, however, is this:

We arrived at the ER and waited forever to be taken up to the unit. (Wow, I feel my heart racing just typing this out.). Somebody from the ER was about to take me up, as they were taking too long to get down there.  They took me directly to the room, and Chad took Charleigh to go to the bathroom. I was given my gown and asked to give a urine sample.  I was contracting frequently while attempting that ordeal.  I got in the bed and Chad finally returned, then the nurse came in to check me.  I told her she had to wait because I felt like I was going to vomit, so she pushed a garbage can at me.  (Looking back, I suppose that should have been the first clue that this was happening.  My guess, though, is that I assumed that was from my anxiety.). I didn't get sick and after the contraction passed she checked me.  She told me that I was about 9.5 cm dilated, essentially complete, and that my water was tight.  Chad tells me that I asked if I could hold off until my OB could come, as he wasn't on call.  They called him, and people started rushing into my room - multiple nurses & the anesthesiologist.  It was a small room, so Chad took Charleigh out of the room.  I was screaming.  My OB came in and did an ultrasound and told them we were doing a C-section.  I told anesthesia to put me out, there was no sense in trying because we didn't have child care so Chad couldn't go back.  Little did I know that Chad had texted Crista to come in and watch Charleigh. 

 I was rushed back to the OR, and I was screaming and writhing in pain.  I had to switch beds, and they tried to position me for a spinal.  There were two anesthesiologists there, and I remember one hollering to get my bra off and for a blood pressure cuff.  I was unable to cooperate for the spinal, my OB came and helped which calmed me down.  Next thing I knew I couldn't feel a thing.  It happened so quickly.  I was crying because Chad wasn't there, but he walked in soon.  Then we heard, "Here's your girl."  And complete silence.  She was whisked back to the NICU.  None of us saw her.  Two minutes later we heard, "Here's the boy!"  I swear I held my breath waiting for that sweet sound.  We heard a very quiet squeak from him.  He was the stable one, so they showed him to me before they took him to the NICU.  I was completely unaware of how sick Campbelle was.  I knew, however, she wasn't healthy.

My jaw was killing me and I was horribly nauseated.  I dry-heaved once or twice, but never got sick.  I layed there in complete silence, completely shocked at what had transpired.  My doctor cracked a joke after he finished closing me up, "Remember that time that you showed up at the hospital with baby's falling out of your vagina?"  I was shaking horribly and they took me back to my room where Crista was waiting with Charleigh.  She waited until I was settled to leave, but before that could happened my OB came in the room (who is also her OB) and he hugged her.  I don't really remember much after that because I was utterly exhausted and feeling horrible.  The Neonatologist came in and introduced himself, and even that was a blur - I only remembered his face. I made two phone calls - to my RE telling them that he called their birth date, and to my friend Carlos telling him what happened.  I'm not sure if I called my parents or not.  Late morning, they let Chad go back and see the babies - he took pictures and showed them to me.  They were so small and sick looking.  Afterwards he took Charleigh back to the apartment to get stuff ready for my Mom who was flying in that afternoon, and I attempted to rest.  

While Chad was gone, my friend Meghan came to visit me and I received two flower deliveries.  Chad and Charleigh got back and we waited for my Mom to arrive.  Before she arrived a nurse from the NICU  came to take me back to see the babies.  Even though I was familiar with the NICU, this was new territory.  I was actually afraid to touch them because they were so sick.

SOOOOOO....that's what I know about those events.  I now know that they were both very sick at the time.  Campbelle was sicker than I ever could have imagined.  And, apparently, I was pretty sick as well.  

I'm very thankful for the opportunity to go back and attempt to gain closure.  I feel better about it now, but I still don't feel a hundred percent.  I honestly doubt that I ever will.  But I'm trying, which is all that matters.